i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
