And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
