Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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