dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
