I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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