I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
