I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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