Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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