i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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