Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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