whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
