i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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