wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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