Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
