the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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