thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
