his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
