don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize