it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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