It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
