This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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