I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
