sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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