This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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