Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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