It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I'm really busy with my period
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