Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
