I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
