at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
