Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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