He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
