I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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