had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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