your parents love me but you hate me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Success! We fucked roommates!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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