omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
