Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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