Only a mothe r could love this liver
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
