i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We are two peas in an std pod
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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