Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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