Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
