u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
