I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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