i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
