It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
