you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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