Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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