Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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