Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
