Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
