you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he was CRYING into my vagina
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
