I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
