I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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