I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize