how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
