OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
