They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
