I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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