This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
