On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
