half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
