I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
