Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Girls should come with a carfax report
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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