quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
