And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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