I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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