People in love make me want to vomit
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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