wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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