Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
