Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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