Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
