I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
