Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
