Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
