Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
