in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
