if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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