how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
