I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
