Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
